Bob’s Story

The tumbling/cartwheeling has finally stopped; my body has come to rest. I cannot move one of my arms and the rest of my body is encased in some kind of trap. Snow is all around me, in my mouth, my nostrils, around my goggles. There is a circle of light where I see the sky, a hole made by a last-minute punch with my fist upward. I have been buried in an avalanche.

In the early afternoon the helicopter dropped us off at the top of another run. In all directions was a sea of mountains, each one offering many more runs and turns for the group. As we were putting on our skis our guide said we were in the Azure/Rausch area on a run called Nice and Easy. The Austrians I was skiing with were stopping occasionally to take video of each other skiing, and as I approached the group, they motioned for me to go ahead as they were going to do some filming.

I remember skiing past them, enjoying the run, and then…suddenly, I ski over a drop off what seemed to be 4-5 feet. Falling over forward, I struggle to get myself upright, and in front of me in my field of vision from left to right is what looks like a wave churning and rolling. In seconds there is snow up to my neck. I begin rolling, tumbling, for what I am told later was over 100 meters. A size 2.5 avalanche. I have no idea which way is up or down, but I am using my arms to swim/dig as hard as I can to try and free myself from the snow.

As things begin to slow down, I feel snow pushing at my face and head and I desperately sweep away at it. I notice it is getting darker, and I push harder at the snow. It feels like everything has stopped moving, there is no sound, and I push my fist as hard as I can to an area of light. I cannot move; my body is twisted and there is unbearable weight on my back. I am breathing hard but try to calm myself.

Within a couple of minutes, two of the Austrian skiers are digging, moving snow away from my face and using shovels to free me from the snow. They carefully dig around me, and eventually I feel the weight/pressure off my back/legs.

I had a visit to the White Room. Encased in an avalanche.

In the days/weeks after…life changed. I couldn’t sleep at night…… I had horrific nightmares of being encased in a white tomb. While in MRIs a few times or small elevators, it took everything I had to not yell and get out of the small space.

I saw therapists, counsellors, meditated for hours………. trying to free myself from the memory and grip of the icy snow. Nothing seemed to ease the pain I was in.

I heard about Mountain Muskox.

I went to my first circle………it was powerful. Lifechanging.

When I got home, my wife asked, “How did it go?”

I said, “For years I feel like the world speaks German, and I speak English, not German.

For the first time, I felt those in the circle spoke my language. They understood me, my challenges, my trauma. Without even speaking, people accepted my pain and trauma… no judgement, just caring and healing.

Thank you to Mountain Muskox Mentorship and its team for guiding me on my journey of recovery. Thank you to all the companies and people who have supported Mountain Muskox through donations. Thank you for getting me back into the mountains as a participant, not just an observer.